on fire
by chasinglights
Summary: angsty leah after jacobs imprinting. "She’d gone past happiness. She knew that being in love was never good thing. It was a loss of control. Someone else was responsible for your emotions. It made you vulnerable."


_Give me one more time around, _

_Give me one more chance to see._

_Give me everything you are,_

_Give me one more chance, to be near you._

_When everything inside me,_

_Looks like everything I hate._

_You are the hope I have for change,_

_You are the only chance I'll take._

_  
When I'm on fire, when your near me,_

_I'm on fire, when you speak._

_I'm on fire, burning at, these mysteries._

When she realised, she knew straight away that she'd have to tell him, _Jacob_. They were friends now, practically family, but she still snarled when she thought his name, habit, probably.

This wasn't _supposed_ to happen. She was never _meant_ to fall in love with him. She'd hated him for so long, after all. It wasn't the healthy kind of love. It _didn't _make her happy. Not when she was the one alone, with no-one to help her, no-one to tell her what to do. She was a cruel person. She hated who she'd become. But she couldn't even take pleasure it being so brutal. Love's fault. She hadn't been happy since. She'd gone past happiness. She knew that being in love was never good thing. It was a loss of control. Someone else was responsible for your emotions. It made you vulnerable.

She tried to convince herself she didn't have a ounce of hope left it her. But she knew she did, because no-one can ever lose hope _completely_. This would be the last risk she took. She knew exactly what he'd say. He'd mumble on about _Renesmee_ for a while, while looking away awkwardly, muttering his goodbye and going back to the Cullen's.

She wanted to tell him, because she wanted him to know that somebody loved him. Natural love. Not forced. He was forced to love Renesmee, and she had no choice but to reciprocate. But Leah loved him by genuinely. It wasn't exactly choice, because she couldn't help it. But she loved him for who he was. Not because it was 'fate'.

What she was planning to do, was tell him the complete truth. Tell him that she needed him, because she did. She wanted _him._ Tell him how they were the same_._ He'd once called them two peas in a pod. It was more literal than he obviously realised. She wanted to list the things they've been through, tell him how much she _understood _him because of them. Tell him how he made her feel alive. How he made her forget about Sam. Tell him that _this _was her last shot. That he was her very last hope.

She didn't. She spat it out at him during one of their many arguments. More out of spite than anything, she wanted to watch him squirm. To not know what to do. To not feel the complete certainty that he always does. He _knows_ his whole life is planned out for him. He's got his precious _Nessie._ But what was Leah supposed to do? She was meant to live life normally, while everyone else around her had their 'soul-mate' handed to them on a plate.

He looked at her for a second, mouth hanging open. Typical. But then his face changed. He looked like _he_ was in pain. He said that if there was no werewolves, no imprinting, it would've worked. He would've loved her. She told him it wouldn't. She was furious. She told him that if there was 'no werewolves, no imprinting' she would still be with Sam. That she would barely even know Jacob. They _wouldn't_ be friends. She walked off, and he didn't follow.

The others all knew fairly quickly. He'd been thinking about it while in wolf form, she guessed. Seth gave her a bear hug, saying nothing. He was the only one of them who _really_ cared. He had to, he was her brother. Sam had the nerve to ask her about. This only made her even angrier. He was more than sympathetic. She told him he was faking that he cared. He said he wasn't, imprinting didn't make you stop caring about other people. He was composed as usual, as she lost control. She screamed in her head at him how much she loved Jacob. _Why_ she loved him. She even told him how much better for her Jacob was than he ever was. He said he knew that. He told her he _never _wanted to see her go through this twice. She didn't deserve it, but she _did_ deserve Jacob. He told her Jacob loved her underneath the imprint. It was obvious, he said. She screamed at him more. Asking him what good it was being loved _underneath_ an imprint? What was she supposed to do? Kill everyone's imprints? He said no. He said that if anyone could fight an imprint, its Jacob. He told her not to give up hope. Not to leave him. He said Jacob needed her like she needed him. She'd had enough by this point. She couldn't stay in wolf form. They were all thinking about her. _Poor Leah_, they were thinking. She didn't need their pity. She phased back, walked home, hoping no-one was in. Her house had become almost like a town hall these days.

He was there. He said he'd heard her and Sam. He told her that he heard what Sam had tried to tell her. He said Sam was right. She didn't deserve this. That _he _needed her. More than she could understand. That if anyone could fight an imprint it _was_ him. This shocked her. She asked him if he really wanted to. He said he did, more than anything. He asked her for her help. She said no. She couldn't. She couldn't put so much energy into something that's more than likely to fail. He nodded. He understood. He always did.

He didn't kiss her when he left. He told her that he _would _be back. He would find a way, make this work. Because he'd never wanted an imprint. And he was blinded as soon as he'd got one.

She sat on the floor when he left. Cried for the first time since Sam. For the confusion she felt, for imprints and werewolves in general. She even cried for Renesmee. This didn't change anything. She knew that. She still didn't know where her life was going. It still gave her two options. But she hoped when Jacob came back and gave her the answer, it would stop her wasting time like she had been for so long.


End file.
